he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Randomize
