i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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