I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
