considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
