Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
