I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
