I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
