I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
