your thong is hanging out like whoa
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
