When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
