how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
