Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
They should really pass out barf bags in church
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
