I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
