And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
