Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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