Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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