Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I am spending my child support on dildos
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
