How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
COCAINE IS GR8
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
