Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My pussy is not your playground.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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