it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize