She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
