No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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