walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
