I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
