dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
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Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
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So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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