watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
