I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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