So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
