You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
