Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
