i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
