just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
