take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
