Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
