My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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