You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
