Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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