so that wasnt chicken after all
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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