Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
