Slut skills are useful in every country.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
