He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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