Your face is a jimmy john
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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