Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
