Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
