We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
