my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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