if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
