my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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