1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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