did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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