I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
