I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
