you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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