so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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