I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
love makes seman taste better
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
