I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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