so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You're like the curious george of whores
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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