I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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