My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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