i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
