My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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