You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
