i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
