Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
nutella sex= disaster
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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