He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
