So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
